Is this love that I'm feeling?

I left the DR site around 4:30 in the morning. Got home and into bed by 5:30.

At 11:30 I got up when the Helpdesk called. Was only up for a few minutes, then I laid back down. Then, I had a feeling I should just get up and get to work cleaning.

Man, am I glad I did!

I called S. around 2:30 - she was still at the wedding banquet, hoping to get home around 4. She's call me then.

Okay, got more cleaning done.

I've started getting a little vengeful in my cleaning. I threw out a wreath that was at my wedding. I threw out the bride and groom from my wedding cake. I threw out some keepsakes from Ex and I. I'm ready to move on now. I've got anotehr 4 or 5 boxes in front of my house now, including old sheets, clothes, buttloads of the Ex's candles (she should seek help she has so many damn candles), the aforementioned items and various pieces of junk.

I was actually able to vaccuum my living room! It hasn't been really vaccuumed in 9 or 10 months! The living room actually looks clean!

I got laundry done AND folded! My kitchen table isn't piled over with clothes now. My sink doesn't have dirty dishes in it. My stove doesn't have dirty pans on it.

My house is actually starting to look presentable!

Which, again, IS A GOOD THING!

S. called me back at 4:45 - she got stuck and couldn't leave for a while.

S.: "So, what you wanna do? Want me to come up there?"
Me: "Uhhh...I can come down there."
S.: "Well, I feel guilty because you're alway stuck driving home at night.
Me: "Okay."
S.: "How do I get there?"
Me: "Ummm..."

Took a while until I figured out a place we could meet. I live in the middle of nowhere. I tell people I live at the corner of Podunk and Bumblef---. Eventually arranged to get together at 6 at a Park and Ride right off the highway.

I hang up the phone.

Me: "Oh shit! Oh shit! Oh shit! Oh shit!"

I then went into hypercleaning mode, running around the house, making sure everything was put away. Left the house at 5:40, and still beat her to the Park and Ride. Got her on the phone and talked her in since she wasn't familiar with the area.

For the record, I live 35 miles from the office. She lives 5 miles from the office, in the other direction.

When she got there, she got out of the car and we just kissed.

Have I mentioned before that I really like kissing her?

She followed me back to my place so we could stash her car then go out for dinner. Gave her a quick tour of the house (not much to see), and kissed some more.

Went to a local place named Loughrans. HUGE Prime Rib there. We sat on the patio, enjoying the break in the heat and humidity that's been sitting on the North East for the last couple weeks. After dinner we walked over to my car so I could put my leftovers in it and she could have a cigarette. We held hands on the way over, then kissed a little more, then went back in to the restaurant to the bar.

We sat there, talking, holding hands, touching each other on the legs, just revelling in our closeness.

At one point, I got up to use the restroom. When I came back a guy is there talking to her.

S.: "He thinks I have an Irish accent!"
Me: "Irish? That's Jersey!"
Drunk Cassanova: "Really? I don't hear it."

It continued like this for a while, until he finally got the clue that she was spoken for and he went back to drinking and waiting for his friends to show up.

Once more, a local is there with a guitar. I'll give it to the guy that he's got guts. His voice wasn't the greatest and he forgot one song halfway through - twice. Even his friends and girlfriend were harrassing him. Quite funny to watch. Drunk Cassanova was among them.

S. and I eventually left the restaurant around 11:00. Once again, we kissed in the parking lot before heading back to my place.

Once there, I invited her in for a while. I put Breakfast at Tiffany's into the DVD player (her copy, her favorite movie, remember?), then we sat on the couch together.

A little making out at the beginning, then eventually she laid down with her legs across me. I just kept patting and stroking her legs (she was wearing jeans, for those who are interested) and holding her hand. Eventually settled down to having my ond hand on her belly while the other played with her legs.

We spent the entire movie like that. Just sitting there, content to be in each other's presence.

Once it was over, I got off the couch and kneeled down beside her to kiss her. We were like that for so long that my back was cramping up! I tried a half hearted attempt to feel her breast - no resistance, but I didn't want to push it.

We played a little bit with french kissing. Her tongue tastes sweet. :)

If I had continued, I'm pretty sure we would have made love last night. Unfortunately, there were four things at work here counter to that avenue:

• She's tired.


• I'm tired


• I'm afraid of pushing things too fast.


• I didn't have any condoms.

She eventually got up to smoke a cigarette. I repositioned on the couch, and when she came in she laid down on it with me, resting her head on my chest. We laid there for the next 1.5 hours, with me stroking her hair, cheek and arms, occasionally kissing her forehead, cheek or lips, while she snuggled in close with me.

At 2:30:

Me: "Sleepyhead, why don't you go sleep in my bed? I'll sleep here on the couch."
S.: "Nuh uh." (translation for those not familiar with Americanisms - "No.")
Me: "Yuh huh." (translation - "Yes.")
S.: "Okay."

We continued to lay there like that until 3:00, when she finally tried to sit up to go have another cigarette. I had to prop her up, she was so tired. lol

A bit more kissing, then into the night she went to have her nicotine fix. Meanwhile, I did a quick run through of the bedroom, straightened the bed, grabbed my pajama bottoms and a blanket then made sure everything was out of the way.

When she came in, I led her back to the bedroom, where she pretty much just flopped on the bed. I offered to set the alarm for her (she was supposed to be at a restaurant with her sister, brother and father at 1 in the afternoon), but she said she'd wake up.

She then got up and we kissed some more. Then some more. Then some more.

S.: "Okay! Get out!"

Out I went. Went to the bathroom, put on the pajama bottoms, then crashed on the couch.

Slept okay. Woke up at 8. At 8:30 the Helpdesk called me on my cell (thank Jeebus) for a store. So, off I puttered into the computer room to take care of it. She got up about 15 minutes later. Apparently she had slept off and on since 6, afraid she'd oversleep. lol

She should have let me set the alarm.

She went out for another smoke and I brushed my teeth. Told her I had another toothbrush if she wanted to use it.

S.: "God, yes!"

When she was done she came out with the toothbrush to take it home with her. I told her to just leave it there for next time - no complaints. :)

We went out to a local diner for breakfast - service was horrible, but it gave us time to just sit there and stare into space from lack of sleep and enjoyment of being together.

Next Saturday we're going to Christian's house for a party for his birthday. I asked her if she wanted to come up on Friday, then we can head to Christian's place together on Saturday. A hearty agreement.

After breakfast, I walked her to her car, then we proceeded to kiss some more.

In the parking lot.

At 10 in the morning.

Next to a busy road.

I am so totally losing myself in this girl.

So, off we went to our respective homes.

I was planning on mowing the lawn today, but I kind of just sat in front of the TV and vegged until 2. Finally got up and took a shower, then went to Best Buy to get a new DVD player. My old one fried and I had my spare one rigged up yesterday.

Stopped by Target, too. Got some new luggage for my Sweden trip and some CONDOMS!

I've spent the rest of the day hooking up the DVD and trying to program my universal remote. Finally have it all working.

At one point I wrote up some directions and sent them to S. for how to get to my house for Friday. Turns out she was on, playing solitaire.

She's addicted to it.

So, we've been trading emails while I've been writing this, and Nynaeve has been HARRASSING me to get this finished!

I'm almost done, Nyn - I swear.

Tomorrow we're going out for Mexican food. Still need to figure out if we'll meet there or at her place. I'll probably swing by her place since I'm not 100% sure where it is.

I wonder if I should take some condoms with me...

It’s my heart that pounds beneath my flesh

It's after 2 AM. I'm sitting in the IBM Disaster Recovery center in Sterling Forest, New York. I'm bored. I've been here since 9 AM this morning. I've had about 2 hours worth of work to do all day long with relation to this test. I've burned time playing cards, emailing S. and some chatting with some friends.

Bored, bored, bored.

I miss being with S. Monday and Tuesday were nice to spend with her. The rest of this week has been agony, with me only able to talk to her face to face for a few minutes each day, the rest taken up by emails. Can't really bullshit too long at her desk either. Luckily, it looks like tomorrow may be a bit of relief.

The wedding she's attending is at 11 AM. She's skipping the reception, but apparently it's a damn long wedding...she said she should be free around 4 PM.

Yippee!

I'll give her a call when I get up, then we'll arrange getting together on Saturday evening. Her Father isn't available until 3 on Sunday. If his schedule frees up earlier, we may get together on Sunday as well.

I just crave to be in her presence. I want to touch her. To kiss her and to hold her.

It's been a weird day. While I've been exchanging emails with S., my Ex has been sitting next to me - she's involved in this Disaster Recovery test as well. And Chris is just plain nosey, popping his head in next to me to see what I'm doing, which is usually exchanging an email with S.

I copied all of the emails between S. and I into a folder the other day. The total count in that folder is now 316. We started emailing each other occasionally on April 29. 4 emails exchanged that day. The next was on May 5 - 13 exchanged. We really started exchanging June 9 - 32 emails that day! It's just an ongoing conversation throughout the day.

What? You ask how many were sent today?

Why, I'm glad you asked - FIFTY-TWO!

That's a lot of emails of just random chit chat. Just talking about work, how our days are going and relations with our family members.

Once we're face to face, we just continue to chat about everything under the sun. It's a very natural conversation, which is very nice. Lately there's been the "uncomfortable silence" moments, but they only last 15 to 30 seconds. They usually end with us looking at each other and we start to giggle.

I love that when I kiss her, she makes a happy noise.

I loaned her my copy of Love Actually to watch. It's my favorite movie (Thank's Siryn!). She loaned me hers - Breakfast at Tiffany's. I watched it last night. It was actually quite charming. Emailed back and forth a little bit about that today.

Maybe we'll just camp in front of her TV tomorrow and watch Love Actually together - I'd like that a lot.

You've got to work hard if you want anything at all

Another hectic day at work.

Chris' idea for getting the equipment into the environment appears to have worked with our test server. Tomorrow I get to do it 5 more times. Also need to finish some code for the stores.

I've been working on rebuilding a store's disks for the last 4.5 hours. It's now almost 9 PM, and my ass is TIRED.

The planned outing with S. on Sunday is possibly dead, or at least cut down to just the evening. Forgot it was Father's Day. My Dad is 300 miles away. Her's is a few towns over. Her and her sister were planning on taking him out for lunch around 1. She tried calling her to verify everything today once I brought it up to her, and the response was quite funny (to me, anyway):

S.: "I hate talking to her. She is a complete bitch."
Me: "What happened?"
S.: "We were trying to figure out Sunday and it has to be her way because she's coming home and she thinks that she's a guest. We're battling over times, locations, etc. Then she called me a bitch for getting annoyed. The longest 13 minute conversation I have had in a while."

For the record, her sister lives in NYC, but stows her crap at the house S. and their mother share. The city is maybe 30 minutes away on a Sunday.

That's about it for today. Not much to add except I'm tired and a little sore from sitting in this damn chair all day long.

Until the morrow...

Oh, Doctor, doctor, is this love I'm feeling?

Work was a bit of a pain today. Continued trying to get the stuff integrated into the environment. Going to try another approach tomorrow. Of course, the good side is that it let me pretty much write off the last two hours today.

Sent S. an email this morning giving her some artists to check out on our (my Department's) MP3 server, a link to a movie of Richard Simmons on Who's Line Is It Anyway? (very, very funny) and some other stuff.

The response I got?

"I think I'm dead."

LOL

She's not too good on operating short on sleep, at least, not until the afternoon.

Just got back from another marathon date. Met her at her place just after 5 - actually got to go in today before we left. She drove and we went over to a town called Piermont in New York on the Hudson. Ate at a place called the Lighthouse. For the price they charge, you'd think you'd get more to the portions.

Good thing I'm dieting.

Ended up migrating over to the bar (as usual). We actually sat outside this evening. Neither of us are Sun Worshipers, and we both burn easily in it, particularly her (she's Irish, and the skin shows it). The weather has also been hot and humid for the last couple weeks. Makes dating interesting when all you do is go for dinner each night.

Next thing you know, it's 11 PM. Another 6 hour date. Went back to her place. Kissed in the car. I got out, then decided I wanted another kiss. JA (her Mom, remember?) was at the door - gave her a kiss anyway, then she invited me in to say "Hi".

Alrightie.

Went in, talked to JA for a minute, then S. took me out back to show me their deck. This thing is HUGE. There's a stone work patio, then a lower deck, connected to a middle deck, then a top deck connecting to the kitchen. Her father built it 11 or 12 years ago. It looks awesome.

Each time we go out, we seem to push the comfort level a little further between us. While standing out on the deck, I put my arm around her and she leaned into me while I did it. Kept just kissing each other while out there.

Said it before and I'll say it again - I can definately fall in love with this woman and I think it's starting to happen already.

My Mom has me a bit scared, though. She pointed out to me that I seem to be in love with being in love. It's a very good point, however, with S. there really is just so many things pointing at "This is Miss Right".

• We can talk for hours, just drifting from one story to the next.


• We both enjoy the same sense of humor.


• She's a great kisser, and she seems to think I am too.


• We both crack our joints, and we compete to see who can get them to crack the loudest. I know, it sounds gross, but it's actually very reassurring to find someone as disgusting as me. For the record, she usually wins.


• She's accident prone like I am.


• She's tall like I am. I've mentioned before how I *love* tall women.


• Salad dressing - ranch.


• Sushi - no thanks.


• Veggies - they're decoration.


• Religion - whatever.


• She's open minded and accepting of things different from the norm.


• She's an organized slob like me. Everything in it's pile.


• Not really antisocial, but sometimes just likes to be alone.


• She likes the Violent Femmes.


• She likes to cook - so do I.

On the 25th, we're supposed to go to a party at Christian's house. I'm going to suggest that she comes up on the 24th (a Friday) and crash at my house since Christian is another hour or so north of me. She can take my bed, I'll take the couch. I'll actually stick to that plan, too. Though, I'll obviously be planning for other things if they should happen...

I presented the idea for this Sunday. She thought it was a good plan, so, we're all set. I'll offer the above mentioned sleeping arrangements then. I've got a few nights at home now to finish getting it presentable.

Stay tuned...

Let's make this last for ever...

Spent the weekend cleaning. It was a total hell hole. Well, it still is, but there's not as much hell involved. I hauled out so much shit to the road for garbage pickup, I didn't expect them to take it all at once. Surprisingly, they did.

The upstairs of my house, which I've practically abandoned, is starting to get straightened up. I have exercise equipment up there which I've been dying to use, but I haven't had the space. That's slowly changing.

I'm obviously cleaning for multiple reasons.

• Yes, I hope S. would like to come by one day.


• The place needs cleaning.


• I want to move next year, so, I better start weeding now.

Went out with S. again tonight. We went out for lunch as well. This evening's dinner was supposed to be a quick thing so she could get home. It became a 7 hour chat time. We love to talk to each other. I take that as a very good sign.

I'm going to take her out again tomorrow night after work, then I won't see her until Sunday (if I can arrange that) because of conflicts in our schedules. She's got a doctor's appointment Wednesday evening for her eyes, then Thursday she's going out with a friend. Friday and Saturday I'm tied up with work, and she's got a wedding to go to on Saturday as well. So, that leaves Sunday. I'm going to suggest a casual dating thing. Just wear shorts, t-shirts and sneakers. I'll need to figure out something to do, though. In any case, I think it'll be fun to just get a pizza, wander around and get to see each other outside of work and outside of a restaurant/bar.

Yes, for those wondering, we kissed in the parking lot before we went our seperate ways tonight. I told her I really like kissing her. She enjoyed me telling her that.

Work's been a royal pain in the ass. Since Tom is in France, Christian and I have been covering the stores. Well, Christian has and I've been acting as backup. I'm also still trying to get the moved equipment working in our environment.

I'm a good programmer. I'm a horrible system administrator.

The helpdesk has the lovely timing to start calling me at 4:40 in the evening - I'm supposed to leave at 4:45, and now that S. and I are seeing each other right after work, it's gotten pretty damn important that I leave on time. I was supposed to meet her right after work today - I didn't get off the phone until after 5:00. They started calling me at the restaurant, but I just didn't bother answering.

I've put in enough of my personal and after hours time. It's time to cash in.

Just remembered a funny thing S. told me about her Mom, JA. Apparently, JA likes Eminem. Every time S. gets into her car, Eminem starts blaring. JA is in her 50's, but she's a pisser. She's great. I hope I see her tomorrow so I can give her some shit about it.

Also want to find out (if she knows) what S's favorite flowers are.

Lie down next to me, look into my eyes

I've had a WONDERFUL DAY!!!!!

But, first, back to yesterday...

S. and I traded emails all day long, starting with a message from her: "FYI: I survived." Talked about her newfound perfect eyesite - it weirded her out a little bit. Talked about a band that she likes that I'm listening to for her. Some mild flirtation intermixed.

Worked on integrating the equipment.

Last night I sent her an email asking if she'd be going to her usual Friday happy hour.

This morning I started working on the environment some more, then traded a few emails with S.

No, she was not going to her usual tonight. So, I asked her if she wanted to get some dinner when I got off work. Arranged to pick her up at her house, and I drove us to the mall.

Went to Dave and Buster's for some dinner, then we decided to go watch the new Adam Sandler movie, The Longest Yard.

Didn't really afford anything, except the ability to sit next to each other.

After the movie, we returned to the bar at Dave and Buster's, where we stayed until closing time. I drove her home, then got my copy of Love Actually out of the car to loan her. She got out of the car, we stood there for a second, then we kissed.

It was niiiiiiice. I liked it a lot. We stood there for a couple minutes, just kissing and hugging each other.

A perfect ending to the evening.

For my whole ride home, I was yipping for joy.

Woo hoo! I've got a girlfriend who I'm absolutely crazy for.

WOOOO HOOOOOO!

It's been a hard days night...

Last night was rough. Tossed and turned until 3:30 or 4:00 - don't quite remember which. Alarm went off at 6:50...kept snoozing until 7:45 or something. I dunno...been in a fog all day long.

Had a nice surprise when I got into work though - an email from S. including her cell phone number for me. Whee!

Turns out she didn't sleep too well either. Either going out with me freaked her out as much as it did me, or she's really worried about her surgery today. Exchanged emails for a while, then she decided to head back to bed for a while.

Spent the rest of the day in the computer room trying to get that equipment up and running. Took a break to go to a local place to get a salad with some of my coworkers though.

I finished my food quickly, then sat, and sat, and sat...

I sat so long my (newfound) balls fell asleep!

Ladies, lemme tell you, it is a really, REALLY awkward feeling.

The guys in my department were somewhat merciful to me this morning. Just enough ribbing to let them have some fun, then they backed off. Which is fine with me.

To sleep, perchance to dream...ahhh...

Just spent the last hour on the phone with my Mom, going over the family tree. Just found a line that is traced back to Germany around 1707.

I'm gonna clean up some of the house now, then I'm going to go to bed. Maybe tonight will be a better night than I've had in the last week.

I cannot be, Until you're resting here with me

Man, what a day.

Got into the office around 9. Checked my email (1500+ messages courtesy of Chris), reviewed a few tasks, then unloaded the stuff from my car.

Finally got around to stopping by S's desk. Talked to her for 10 - 15 minutes. Chickened out.

As the day went on, the truck from Maryland finally arrived. Helped unload it, then position the stuff on the floor. Swung by S's desk a few times - she wasn't there.

2:00 - I'm all set to wire in the new racks when Chris tells me I gotta wait for IBM to get on site. Gah. So, I head down to S. again.

She's there this time. I talk to her for 30 minutes. I'm just going "ask her, ask her, ask her", but, again, I chicken out.

IBM gets on site. We unpack the servers and turn them on.

I stop by S's desk a couple more times - not there. Third time, she is. It's 4:05. She leaves at 4:15. We small talk for a minute. Then, suddenly, my balls drop:

"Wanna have dinner tonight?"
"Sure."

<FREAKOUT MODE>

HOLY SHIT! HOLY CRAP! JESUS CHRIST ON A STICK! OMIGOD OMIGOD OMIGOD OMIGOD!

</FREAKOUT MODE\>

After some wrangling, we finally decide on a place, to meet at 5.

<FREAKOUT MODE>

I immediately retreated to Jay's cube, where Ex is as well. I just drop on the floor, hyperventilating, and pulled my legs up around me.

Then I space out, trying to calm down.

Talk with them for a while, then I head up to Mike's desk.

While sitting there, my legs would not stop bouncing, full nervousness engaged.

I finally got back to my desk, where I saw I had messages.

</FREAKOUT MODE>

"Store is screwed. Call the Tech."
"Freddie - have you seen about that store?"
"Christian said to pass it to you."

It's 4:45 at this point...

I quickly called the tech, called Christian, sent an email to the desk, spoke to my boss. Then, I told everyone "LEAVE ME ALONE TONIGHT!"

Surprisingly, they did.

Met her at 5. Walked in together. She got stuffed sole, I got filet mignon (only the best). Sat and chatted for a while at the table, then eventually migrated over to the bar.

I love these marathon sessions - 6 hours again tonight. 5:00 to 11:00. We walked out together, and after a moment of hesitation, we kissed each other on the cheek.

I so, SO, badly want to kiss her...but, it was nice to be able to kiss her cheek and to hug her, just to feel her in my arms.

Very nice feeling.

Just before I left, I hopped out of my car and gave her my cell number, "in case she needed some assistance over the next few days."

For once, I was able to push through the cowardice and get all of my objectives achieved today.

I AM SO FREAKING HAPPY!!!!!!!

16 tons, What do you get?

Just got back from Maryland, so, I figured I'd update the blog since I didn't get a chance to do it yesterday.

Last night I went to bed at 9:30 at my parents - tossed and turned, as is usual this week, then woke up at 6:30 - the alarm was set for 7. Well, 9 hours is a lot better than the 6 I've been getting, even if it wasn't the most restful.

Had to pack up a couple of server racks today from the datacenter. It's so depressing to go there. Only two guys there during the day now - there used to be 9 or 10. At the end of this month, I take the last of my department's equipment out, then the rest of the equipment will be gone by the end of July.

That's it. All gone.

So, I repeat. How depressing.

Stopped by my brother's house to look at his PC. He said he was having some problem with GMail - I was able to log into it perfectly fine. I installed VNC on it so I can pop in and take a look the next time he's reporting a problem. Should be interesting the first time we use it to walk him through starting it up.

Major storms went through the area today. The last 4.5 hours have been spent driving through them. If I wasn't already tired, this would do it. Hopefully I'll sleep well tonight.

Emailed S. a little bit today. She doesn't really have anything planned tomorrow night - hopefully I should be able to take her out for dinner. On Wednesday she's having Lasik surgery (laser eye correction), so, she'll be out from work for the rest of the week. If I can finagle it, I'll try to arrange something for Friday as well. Going to use this as a ploy to give her my cell number in an innocent way.

"Since your Mom won't be around after dropping you back home after the surgery, here's my cell if you'll need anything."

I'll let you all know tomorrow how it goes.

Breathing Deeply, Walking Backwards, Finding Strength to Call and Ask Her

Just got home from the party.

Michelle, who is one of the people who went to Cancun, left the company a couple of weeks ago, and is now working with Jeff, my roomie in Cancun. The party this evening was for her.

I took all the booze with me to this one too. We were making pitchers of Miami Vices (half strawberry daiquari, half pina colada) and everyone had a nice time. Didn't run too late because the hosts (Lynn & Lee) have two small children in the house.

I only had a couple of drinks all night - I'm pooped.

I woke up this morning at 6 AM. I went to bed at midnight. No alarm involved.

I've been having sleeping problems all week. Tomorrow I need to drive for 4 hours to my parents' house in Maryland. I definately need to sleep tonight. Just watch and see that tonight is the night I just crash, and I'll wake up at noon tomorrow.

Spent the time this morning finally finishing working with everyone's photos from the Cancun trip, putting them up on my home web site - sorry, not advertising the link here. I'd rather not have my home server get hammered. If you want the link, ask me.

In other news, been thinking about S. all day. Our relationship appears to be at a very awkward point at the moment because of the dating game.

Her side: Does he like me? Is he interested?
His side: Does she like me? Is she interested?

You can't just ask people these things in normal society - it's not polite. Which leads to lots of stress and awkward situations. For example, I have no reason to know her home/cell number *unless* we were dating. We work in the same building, but we don't work together. Completely different branches of the company. This leads to the situation of where I can't call her just to talk, or to ask her out for dinner, or just to hang out, or whatever.

Can't wait until I'm back in the office on Tuesday, when I'll get to see and talk to her again. I'll try asking her out for dinner.

That's officially a date, right?

Working in the coal mine, doing my time

Today was an exhausted day.

After getting home late last night, and getting up early this morning, I was just gone.

Then, on top of it, had a HUGE lunch. Went over Tom's (again), only, this time I brought some bratwurst, hotdogs and filet mignon. Yeah, baby. I treat my friends right! Even though they give me shit all the time. Eh, it's all give and take.

When I get back to the office, I am dead on my feet.

I've been running around trying to get stuff set up for next week (Monday I'm going to be in our Columbia Data Center to decomission some servers), and in the afternoon it was just coming to a head.

Then, at 3:00, the phone starts ringing from the Helpdesk because Christian has just gone home and put in 27 hard disk replacements! GWAHHH!

Then, at 5:00 I get a call where a store is down, and I'm doing the freak out. Turns out it was only 15 minutes worth of work, but I was afraid it was going to be like last Saturday, where I spent 4.5 hours rebuilding some disks in a store.

And I wanted to go meet S. with her friend J. at the bar for happy hour!

Luckily I got there while they were still there. Proceeded to chat, then S's Mom came in, and another friend, so, there's the five of us sitting there chatting for a while, then everyone started drifting away until it was just S. and I again.

When we finally left, 4 hours have passed of pretty much non-stop conversation.

It's turning up more and more things we have in common with each other.

She loves driving stick shifts - so do I.
She prefers the cheap shoes from Payless - so do I.
Everything has its place, but it doesn't necessarily end up there - ditto.

She laughs at my jokes, I laugh at hers. She's smart and accepting and open minded.

She's not hard on the eyes either.

I definately think I could love this woman.

----------

It's now 10:45 at night, and I'm logging in to work to do yet more to get ready for Monday, and I need to call my brother because the computer I built him a few weeks ago is having some kind of issue.

On the bright side, I have a party to go to tomorrow. On the downside, I have a 4 hour drive on Sunday.

Give and take, give and take.

You say that the day just never arrives...

Oh. My. God.

Today started off as most Thursdays do for me. I get up, go to work, have a meeting where my coworkers and I rant against our manager, then go to lunch.

Well, Tom lives only 2 miles from the office, so, occasionally we'll go to his place and fire up the grill to make some hotdogs and burgers. Today, he decided, would be one of those days.

While there, all the guys (Tom, Mike, Chris, Puneet, KLM) were asking me about how I'm doing on the S. front. I tell them that I'm a coward, and I'm waiting for my balls to drop. Mike tells me that he's willing to bet that she won't ask me, so, I had better do so.

Well, Mike was wrong!

When I got back to my desk, there is an email there from her, asking if I wanted to go out for a drink this evening.

"Of course!" I reply

Nerves go into high gear at this point, and I am freaking out. I manage to do busy work the rest of the day until it's time to head over to the bar.

I meet her there at 5, the two of us sit on the side and start drinking and talking.

A friend of hers came in (drunk as all hell), we chatted with him for a while, then continued talking.

A musician came into the bar and started to play (very scary vocals). We continued talked.

SIX AND A HALF HOURS LATER we decided it was time to head out.

Awkward moment in the parking lot...we just ended up saying goodnight and I thanked her for the invite. She threw me an invite to come out with her again tomorrow (Friday).

I AM SO FREAKING HAPPY!

We never really talked about "us", but rather just about our lives, likes and dislikes. I don't really like this cat and mouse game, so, I think tomorrow I'm just going to cut through the crap and tell her point blank that I'm interested.

Sound like a good plan?

One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer

I know, I've been so depressing and angry lately. Those of you who know me know that I'm usually not like that. I'm usually good for a laugh.

So, for my Friends, I write this entry. This is a flash back episode. I hope it will let you laugh.

I'm actually a minor character in this one. The real star is Chris, but, I'm getting ahead of myself.

Many of you have probably already heard this story, but not all in one piece. So, here it is...

As I've mentioned before, my Grandfather passed on March 7th, a Friday. Bowling night is on Wednesdays. On March 5th, Christian blew up some stuff at work (by accident, or so he claims), and Chris was stuck at the office trying to clean it up instead of bowling. The prior Thursday my final divorce papers arrive.

For my Grandfather's passing, I was out of the office Thursday, Friday, Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday, but I managed to hook up with the guys on Wednesday evening to go bowling.

Chris decided we needed to get drunk to drown our sorrows and to commemorate my divorce.

Before I continue, some stats on the principal players here:

Freddie: 6'0", 235 lbs (knows when to say when)
Mike: 5'10", 200 lbs (a former bartender)
Chris: 5'11", 150 lbs (gets stupider as he drinks)

In the space of an hour and an half, each of us has had 5 Screaming Nazis (2/3 Jagermeister, 1/3 Rumple Minze) and 5 beers.

We start bowling at 5:15. We end at 7:00. For the last 45 minutes or so, I think we set new standards on how poorly you can bowl.

I called it quits at that point. Chris and Mike decided to keep going.

The final: 7 shots, 7 beers in 2 hours.

I went into the back bar and hung with the guys until about 8:00, crawling into a corner to go to sleep! Only for about 30 minutes, though. Honest.

When I got up, Chris and Mike ordered some food and picked it up. Chris' food sat next to him on the bar, where he had his arms folded, head resting on them.

Next thing you know, he gets up, spins around and does a face plant on the floor! I'm totally shitfaced still, so, I kind of watch dazed while Mike is laughing. K. goes over to him, at which point I do to, just in time to see him spew on the floor.

K. tells Mike to help. His reponse?

"I didn't sign up for this shit!"

What a guy!

I throw some paper towels under Chris while K. gets him a glass of water. What does he do? Takes a sip then spits it out on the floor. Talk about distinguishing tastes...

I finally get him up and into the bathroom while Mike works on cleaning the puke off the floor. Mike comes back to switch, and I finish. We escort Chris to the same corner of the bar I was sleeping at, then cover him with our coats.

The whole time, Chris is staring at me, going "F--- you, Freddie. F--- you."

Me: "Why are you cursing at me? You're the dumb ass who kept drinking!"
Chris: "Because I was trying to get you drunk!"
Me: "Well, you did, but I stopped."
Chris: "F--- you."
Me: "Hey, remember I've got 100 lbs on you!"
Chris: "F--- you."

I called Chris' house and left a message for his wife around 10. It sounded like this:

"Hey, umm...this is Freddie. Chris had a *little* too much to drink tonight and got a *little* sick. I'm going to be checking him into a hotel. Umm...bye."

Chris wasn't too happy by this development. Mike thought I shouldn't have done it either. How come I'm the one divorced here when I'm the one that remains in contact, huh?

Anyway, Chris continued to lie there until 11:30 that night. I get him to the bar, where the two of us are drinking water until 12:15. Pat, the bartender, is really worried about Chris, as is K. I finally hustle Chris out to his car, with K. making me promise to call her in the morning to let her know we got home okay.

Chris follows me over to the office, where he declares "I think I'm okay to drive home."

Me: "I've gotta take a leak. Why don't you come in and we'll see how you're doing then."
Chris: "Fine."

So, in we go. I go to the bathroom, then find Chris leaving another message for his wife, telling her he's going to chill at the office for a while before heading home.

Atta boy!

I left him around 12:45 to get myself home.

The next morning I get the rest of the story.

It appears that Chris fell asleep in his chair, only to awaken at 4 in the morning. He then proceeded to drive home, going about 2/3 of the way, only to pull into a parking lot to sleep some more. He ended up getting home at 6 in the morning!

I called K. the next day at lunch to let her know everyone was in one piece, and she called Pat to let her know too. Apparently Pat was a wreck from worrying - poor Pat. In the hustle of the night before, I had forgotten to leave Pat a tip, so I went back that evening. Remember, children, that K. works on Thursday's too. I hung out with her for the rest of the evening, interspersed with comments of "You guys are such assholes."

Me: "Yes. I know. Tell me again."
K.: "You guys are assholes."
Me: "I know."

Luckily, the management of the bowling alley didn't find out about this. Equally lucky was that we managed to clean up the floor pretty good - not even a smell in the rug.

The bad news was Chris' wife cut him off for a month.

But she's let him touch her since. At least that's what he says...

I focus on the pain, the only thing that's real

What a shitty holiday weekend, and, yes, I'm still a coward.

For those readers who aren't from the US of A, this past weekend was Memorial Day weekend, with the specified "Day" being Monday. It's officially a day to remember the war dead - those who died in battle in the US Military.

What it's become is a day of family BBQ's and drinking.

And that's spread to the whole weekend.

Except for in my case.

Saturday, 5:30 AM, the Helpdesk calls with a down store. I work on it until 7:30, then I get a few hours sleep before I get called again.

Throughout the day, I got about 3 hours to do things I needed to do. I managed to trim the lawn and went to the grocery store, only to be called while checking out. I got to bed at 12:30 that night after working on a store for over 4 hours.

That was my shitty Saturday. I didn't even get to eat dinner.

Sunday was a bit mellower, just everybody and their brother calling me all day long. The Ex, my parents, the Helpdesk...

Then, Monday. Memorial Day itself. A day off from work.

I spent it mowing the lawn, cleaning out a drainage ditch and clearing a row of shrubs on the side of the house. My bright spot was actually being able to make a meal and eat it. On Sunday I got called int he middle of cooking by the Desk.

I was so glad to be back at work today.

Until this afternoon.

S. sent me an email, asking how my weekend was. Read the above for the contents of my response. I then went to her office to chat a little. Ended up talking to her for over 30 minutes. I walked her to the exit. I had *several* chances, but like a cowardly dumb shit, I did nothing, as is my normal operating procedure.

I am so pissed off at myself. I'm willing to hurt myself, or put myself in harms way at the slightest of inclinations. I'm not afraid of acting like an idiot for fun, but I can't for the life of me ask S. out! I'm 90% sure she wants to go out, too, but I JUST CAN'T DO IT!

*smacks himself on the head a few times*

Can someone loan me a pair of balls?